Hi everyone, hope you have been well this past winter and stayed safe and warm.
Thought I would check in and give you an update on life with the narcissist; fortunately I have very little contact with him. He still continues to be confusing – friendly one day, cruel the next.
When I last checked in with you, car season was well underway and even though I had limited contact, he still managed to cross my path for the rest of the summer. We did exchange a few pleasantries at various shows, but mostly I ignored him wherever I could and gave up a lot of the classic car season in favour of different sports car clubs. Overall it was a good summer but I was far from healed. Every encounter with him carried the potential for pain and I got more than I wanted. He became so annoying and I wanted to have some space so I blocked him on my phone and let him know it via text before I hit the button to cut him off.
At the last big classic car meet of the summer I took my neighbour along as he has a classic and had never been to a show at our local A&W. We parked together and proceeded into the restaurant for a burger. Being crowded inside, we sat out at a table by the windows and the narc was inside at a table near there coincidentally (or maybe I might have planned that just a little bit..) My neighbour and I had a great visit – he’s married but doesn’t wear a ring – and the narc did not take his eyes off us the whole time. I had my dark sunglasses on so he couldn’t see I noticed but I could almost feel his glare without even looking in his direction.
We didn’t speak at all that night since I was busy introducing my neighbour to the regulars and it turned out to be a great evening. My TBird was giving me a bit of transmission trouble on the way home but I didn’t worry too much about it. The next day was our annual club highway cleanup and I didn’t want to miss it.
That next morning I made the cleanup but on the way to the restaurant for lunch afterwards, the TBird started to lurch and wouldn’t shift gears very well. When our meal was over I asked another club member to follow me on the way home to make sure I got there safely. Simple enough request. I glanced over at the narc and was shocked to see such hate in his eyes – genuine green-eyed jealousy hate.
He used to be my helper in times like this, but since his wife started tagging along years ago he wouldn’t help me anymore. Why he should hate me so now for asking another man perhaps means he still wants control over me even though he threw me away has me baffled, but I guess if he can’t have me, then no one else should.
The man I asked to help me didn’t follow me home – he turned off when he got near his house, leaving me about 15 miles from home with a malfunctioning car in heavy traffic. Thanks a lot.
I ended up pulling into a shopping centre and texted my son to meet me. While I waited, my phone rang once with the narc’s number and went right to voice mail so he knew he was still blocked. Silly me thought maybe he was just checking to see if I got home safe, but nope, he was just checking to see if he was still blocked. I texted back to see what he wanted and I got a snarky reply back that he was in the process of blocking people, including me, and he wouldn’t be talking to me again.
I was a bit hurt but only for a moment. Good riddance I thought.
As has happened every other year, when we have had a falling out, he missed the next two car meetings to avoid me. However in December he showed up with her at our Christmas gift exchange and we ended up chatting and actually having a few laughs. It was a bit tense but not as bad as I expected.
When he blocked me in the fall, I presumed he had removed my contact info from his phone because his birthday disappeared from my calendar – iPhones, and maybe others, put the birthdays of contacts automatically in the calendar – there is no way to get rid of them unless the contact is deleted.
A day after the Christmas gathering his birthday suddenly reappeared. The man who said he would never talk to me again apparently decided to reopen the connection. I am also the communications director for our car club so he was receiving no information from me. Whatever the reason, he decided to come back again – for the 10th time at least. I have lost count.
Since then I have only seen him twice at meetings and we have said very little to each other. Last week he left the room when the meeting was over and wouldn’t say hi, yet I am still in his phone if my calendar is correct. I had sent out a few emails to the club earlier in the month with photos of a car display I had been to and photos of a man he is jealous of were in there as his car won an award. That was enough to start up the silent treatment again and now he won’t acknowledge any club communication.
Part of me is looking forward to getting the TBird out again for the summer but a bigger part of me is not excited at all, knowing the narc will be in my face again for some of the shows I want to attend with my friends. How I wish he would go away for good.
I will see how this plays out again as I plan to stay away as much as I can, but it spoils the car season and I can’t just relax. There are only so many car groups in town so I can’t avoid him totally. Fingers crossed I can keep away and avoid the ever-present bombs and arrows he sends my way.
Stay safe and well, thanks for reading.
Liz
The Betrayed Widow 